Ridiculousity

I found an intersection tonight with two of the same gas stations on opposite sides of the street. It was completely unnecessary and I need a picture.

(picture coming soon)

Norm Macdonald on The Bob Saget roast

caseydonahue:

I was on my side hurting laughing so hard, I thought it was brilliant. But everyone else in the room (besides pat, who also thought he was hilarious) did not think it was funny at all.

I’m watching the encore of the roast right now just to watch Norm Macdonald again.

I love Norm but damn, that was the best he could write?

Rules

Zuckerber?

Attention all Facebook members.
Facebook is recently becoming very overpopulated,
There have been many members complaining that Facebook
is becoming very slow.Record shows that the reason is
that there are too many non-active Facebook members
And on the other side too many new Facebook members.
We will be sending this messages around to see if the
Members are active or not,If you’re active please send
to 15 other users using Copy+Paste to show that you are active
Those who do not send this message within 2 weeks,
The user will be deleted without hesitation to create more space,
If Facebook is still overpopulated we kindly ask for donations but until then send this message to all your friends and make sure you send
this message to show me that youre active and not deleted.

Founder of Facebook
Mark Zuckerber

Attention good people of Tumblr: Facebook has waaaay too many members and needs you to send this to all of the people you can to make sure that your account doesn’t get deleted. One of the most popular sites in an extremely technological world needs you to forward and resend this chain letter so they can see that you’re using their site and not idling some account. It takes up space people, come on!

Most of all, Mark Zuckerber wants to make sure that everyone knows he dropped the G off of the end of his last name, kind of like Tumblr doesn’t use the E. It takes up space. Facebook and its founder don’t like things that take up space. So make sure you forward and tell all of your friends, you don’t want all of those people that you didn’t actually talk to in high school to be out of your life forever.

Going Away To College

Summer's End

Recall!

Everyone who follows me, I hope you do this: look back into the pages and pages of posts and things you’ve written and re-post one of your favorite, original things that you did. It could be a rant or a video, a picture, whatever. Repost something that you did months ago so all of your new readers can see some of the old you.

Here’s mine. I wrote it back in April and it’s called “Does The Internet Desensitize Us?”

Does The Internet Desensitize Us?

(Now with an editors note!)

A few weeks ago on Lewis Black’s Comedy Central Show, The Root of All Evil, one comic argued that porn had desensitized us to sex. South Park followed that up the following week as Stan’s dad could not get off to regular porn and instead relied on crazy fetish sites to whet his appetite.

This brings up the idea: Has the Internet desensitized us? I’d argue yes. Here’s why:

1) As soon as you start up your browser you’re berated by headlines. Whether you use Google News, Yahoo, Digg, The New York Times, or other sites to get your news, you’re constantly greeted by depressing headlines everyday. “Family of 4 dies in tragic train/car crash.” “Dog split in half by fallen tree [pics].” “Seven-year-old girl raped by family dog.” After a while the shock that should come with these stories just doesn’t show up anymore. Combine these headlines with shock videos on YouTube and the most tragic news stories are nothing more than words. No more sympathizing with these humans who have actually experienced a loss, we read the headline and move onto the next depressing reality of our world.

2) Since the days of Napster and the Peer-2-Peer music piracy revolution that followed, the Internet has gotten rid of our sense of guilt. Most people would never walk into a store, steal four CD’s and walk out. But since the start of piracy, MP3’s, and the changes that the music industry is facing, stealing a CD or two has never been easier or more guilt free. Hell, artists barely make anything off of CD sales anymore, concerts are where they get most of their money. But the point here is, there was a time when we used to feel even a little bit bad about stealing from our favorite musicians. Now we find a link, wait and hour and poof! The new leak from your favorite artist is buzzing through your ears a month ahead of release. Do you feel bad? Do you feel guilt? No. Do you feel excited that you have something that your less tech-savvy friends don’t? Yes.

3) Perhaps the biggest desensitizer that the Internet has ever seen was 2girls1cup.com, the infamous video of 2 girls shitting and vomiting all over one another. Some people made it through the whole thing, only to shock their friends, others couldn’t get through the first minute (me). Point being that no one would ever watch that display in public, regardless of the clear legality issues of two girls puking and shitting everywhere. After that video, even the 45 seconds that I lasted I felt invincible. I felt I could watch a kid stick his leg out only to have two cars hit it simultaneously, splitting his lower-leg into 3 part. I felt I could watch a guy cut off his penis and then staple it back to the nub that it came from. I felt I could do a Rubix Cube. I was the fucking man.

The point of all of this is, the Internet allowed humanity to take a step back from itself. The Internet let us watch each other from the comfort of our rooms with all of the windows and doors locked and say, “That could never happen to me, but boy does it suck for that guy.” We’ve learned to steal and not feel any remorse for the people we take from. We’ve learned to observe the world from our deskchairs and emotionally become distant from the world we used to live in.

Has the Internet made us less of a people? Yes. And thank God for that. Now Google News is filled with hilarity. I can tackle beastiality videos without so much as a blink. Does this make be a bad person? Probably, but welcome to the Internet: Desensitivity training for the rest of us.

If I could rewrite the last paragraph now, I would. For the record, I don’t think tragedies are funny, I’m just not as effected by them now. I don’t thank God for us being less of a people, it’s a bad thing actually. Now you have 12 year old screaming the N-Word on Xbox Live just because they can; no one’s there to beat them up or tell them no. I feel like the Internet has taken a bit of my soul, I feel less for people in bad situations that I read about because there are just so many stories and I only have so much emotion for that sort of thing.

Less Than 36 Hours

A New Life Goal

I have a new life goal that I’ve been thinking about for a few weeks now. I’ve decided it’s the right direction for my life:

My life’s goal is to be sponsored by Capri Sun. Somehow, I want whatever I do to be branded by Capri Sun. I want my fridge stocked; I want lifetime supplies. I want my work to say “By Zack, sponsored by Capri Sun.” 

It’s just that their juice is so good how could you not love this idea. I may not ever be able to turn into a mound of silver liquid and fly around outside but drinking their delicious beverage whenever I want is good enough.